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Is he lying or are you lying to yourself?


How could I be so stupid?

You ever find yourself wondering this after being played by a guy?

Or how about this one: Why didn’t I see the signs?

I found myself thinking this not too long ago. In my last romantic encounter, bunches of red flags were literally waving themselves in my face. I still turned the other way and ran back into my lover’s arms.

Hmm. Never been to his place. Always canceled weekend plans. Sex in hotels and public places.

Yet, I was surprised when I found out he was still with his child’s mother the entire time.

I’ll also tell you that yes, I felt like something was up. I ignored the feeling. I ignored my intuition.

Women’s intuition, for all its accuracy, is utterly useless if women don’t listen to it.

Men often get a bad rap for being huge liars, and yes, I agree. They can’t say the truth to save their lies, but boy do they tell us the truth in a million other ways!

It’s actually painful how honest men are. They don’t even try to hide their true feelings.

Are you paying attention?

When it comes to relationships, the saying “actions speak louder than words” is drilled into our heads, but when shit hits the fan, we cry, “But he lied!”

Come again? How did he lie when his actions were SCREAMING?




Sure, he looked you dead in your eyes. He spoke some untruths. But the whole time the truth danced around in his actions. Instead of standing up for yourself and leaving the show, you clapped at his performance.

I’ve had many girlfriends lament to me and I to them, “Why can’t men just be honest? Why can’t they just be straight up and tell you they’re not into you or that they’re seeing another girl?”

So him disappearing for two weeks was not honest enough? Him not claiming you after 6 months and seeing his ex behind your back doesn’t say he doesn’t take you guys seriously? His constant flakiness and him never wanting to spend time with you is not enough of a verbal “you’re not important to me?”

We women are the liars. We partake in the worst kind of lying there is: lying to oneself. We lie to ourselves to assuage are cracked egos and broken hearts when we, in the words of Lauryn Hill, “find out the man we’d die for isn’t even concerned.”


The ways we lie to ourselves are endless: He cheated with her because she’s a thirsty, desperate slut, not because he doesn’t give a fuck about me. He keeps canceling plans at the last minute because he’s super busy, not because the girl he really wants finally has free time. He loves me. He just doesn’t come home sometimes because he’s got personal issues that he needs to figure out. He won’t let me in. But he loves me?

I get it. The truth hurts.

We all want to be loved. We want to be chosen. We want to be validated by someone and know that we really are worthy. He picked us from the rest!


Love yourself. Love yourself enough to tell yourself the truth.

You deserve it.


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Categories: Relationships, self-help, Sex, Uncategorized

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